Fandom: Celebrity RPS
Pairing: Orlando Bloom/Sean Bean/Eric Bana
Request: tarnished_raven's request at the_challenger, here, number three.
Summary: Orlando's been desperate to talk to someone, to the point of leaving message after message on a switched-off mobile, and Sean's afraid he'll ruin his chances if he doesn't leave off. He and Eric decide to distract him.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recognize. I know nothing about their social lives or sexual activities, more's the pity. This is fiction, period. It is done as a labor of love and I make no money from it.
Sean Bean was usually a patient man. Which wasn't to say he never lost his temper nor ever said anything he'd regretted later; if he'd ever tried to say so, he had three ex-wives who'd have been happy to correct him, he was pretty certain of that. But most of the time it took a while for him to work up to actually shouting.
He wasn't quite there yet but he was definitely at the point of gritting his teeth.
Orlando was pacing back and forth, fidgetting with any small object that came within reach as he circled the large kitchen/living area in Sean's rented cottage in Malta. As it was, Sean was already going to have to spend some considerable time straightening his utensils and figuring out where all the spice jars had gone; the lad had been picking them up while he charged about and putting them down wherever there was a flat surface moments later, only to pick up something new and begin again.
Sean was willing to put up with a certain amount of aggravating behavior from a mate who was in the middle of a crisis but this was quickly approaching ridiculous.
He glanced over at Eric, who looked back at him and shrugged, a rueful grin on his face. Eric was a good bloke and had known Orlando nearly as long as Sean had -- the lad had introduced them when they'd all arrived on set to film Troy and they'd fallen into the habit of hanging about together during their off time. Eric could usually figure out what was going on with Orlando and tease him out of his moods whenever they threatened to spill over, but they'd both been working on him for the best part of a month now and nothing was getting through.
Orlando stuffed the pen he'd been holding in between a couple of books and reached into his pocket.
Sean bellowed "Orlando!" and slammed his (luckily empty) beer mug down on the coffee table hard enough that a crack shot through it, captured like a clear lightning bolt in ice. Orlando jumped as though the bolt had hit him in the arse and turned the squeaky little yelp he'd made into a "Fuck!"
"No." Sean glared at him until he jerked his hand away from his pocket.
Orlando glared back, but stomped over to the sofa and flopped down next to Eric. Eric smirked and gave him a rough hug around the shoulders. Sean got up to find a glass that wouldn't leak and more beer to put into it. It was going to be a long afternoon.
This time it was Eric saying, "Orlando, no."
"But I just--"
"But I want to!"
"It's your turn. Draw. And keep your hands above the table."
Sean had to stifle a smirk at that particular expression. Eric must've heard him huffing because he shot him a glare and then an eyeroll.
Orlando muttered something foul but drew a card and the game continued.
"So tell me again why I can't call him on his cell again?" Orlando asked plaintively.
Sean sighed. "Besides that he turned it off?"
"Forty messages starts to look needy."
"It's not forty!" Orlando protested, indignation coloring every word. Then he paused and said, "It hasn't been, has it? Not forty? No way it's been forty!"
"Thirty-five, then," Sean grumped. He was teasing but not by all that much. "Still looks needy."
"I'm not 'needy!' I'm just... just anxious! Eager! Enthusiastic! Everyone wants enthusiasm, yeah?"
"Desperate," Eric supplied. "Begging. Pleading. Nagging."
"I'm not nagging either!" Orlando scowled at Eric, then turned to Sean, looking uncertain. "I'm not nagging, am I?"
"Like a bird what thinks her bloke needs a haircut," Sean drawled. Orlando in this state was fair well immune to sarcasm, but it made Sean feel a mite better. "Sit down, lad. There's nothing you can do now. He knows how you feel, he knows what you want, and he knows what you can do for him. It's up to him now and leaving more messages'll likely make him think you're some kind of hysterical wanker and you'll never hear from him again."
Orlando blanched, then fumbled for his cell once more. "I've got to call him and apologize!"
Sean rolled his eyes to the ceiling and muttered, "Spare us all," to anyone or anything that might be listening, then stood up and strode across the room. He plucked the phone out of Orlando's hand before he could hit any damning buttons and tossed it into the corner behind the chair he'd been sitting in. When Orlando lunged for it, Sean wrapped his arms around him and held on. "I think we need to escalate," he said over Orlando's shoulder to Eric, his voice low and wry, "before I do something to Paris that makeup won't be able to cover."
Eric grinned and stood up. He tossed his magazine down on the sofa and moved up behind Orlando, who was still squirming in Sean's grip. "I think someone's in dire need of some first rate distraction before he implodes," Eric said, his voice light and casual. His hands slid up Orlando's sides, caressing him through his T-shirt before moving around Sean and pulling him tight, pressing Orlando hard between them.
Orlando sucked in a breath and went still for a moment, then started to shift and squirm again. Sean could see his eyes had drifted half-closed and his attention was (finally!) on something besides his ruddy mobile. Well, yeah, having Eric pressed up against one's arse would do that to a bloke. Just having Eric's hands -- those big, strong hands -- stroking up and down his back and shoulders had Sean breathing deep and slow and leaning into the touch. He took a step backwards, moving the whole clot of them toward his bedroom where there was a king-size mattress and a ready supply of lube and condoms. Eric moved with him and they carried Orlando along without the need for his conscious cooperation or even much movement of his feet.
Which was just as well because Orlando's arms had slid around Sean's neck and his attention was on the hollow of Sean's throat, nibbling delicately around his adam's apple. Sean tilted his head back, steering them all along by watching the ceiling go by, which worked well enough until Eric leaned over and kissed him. Sean rumbled wordless approval into Eric's open mouth and had a faint thought about hoping Eric remembered the way to the bedroom well enough to get them there, since Sean didn't think he was quite up to the job right at that moment.
Luckily Eric managed to get them to the bed without too many bumps on the walls or furniture and they all tumbled down onto the mattress with a yelp and a couple of oofs and a muttered curse about elbows and ribs. Undressing each other took longer than it likely should've but it was fun and by the time they were all naked (except for Eric, who was still wearing one sleeve of his polo shirt, the rest of the thing hanging inside-out and forgotten off his arm like a used towel on a hook) they were laughing and kissing and biting and tickling.
All right, it was mainly Sean and Eric doing the biting and tickling, but it was fun 'cause Orlando was so sensitive you could get him screeching in half a blink with just a bit of a nibble or one finger in the right place, and of course Sean and Eric both knew all the right places. Orlando kept threatening to retaliate but he could never stop laughing or moaning long enough to launch an effective attack. He didn't seem to mind too much, though, so Sean figured he was all right with the status quo.
They settled down with Orlando sort of diagonal across the bed on his side and Eric pushing slowly into him from behind. Sean decided that wasn't enough distraction -- despite the gasping and whining to the contrary -- and knelt down in front of where Orlando's cheek was pressed into the rumpled sheets. He spread his knees and squatted lower, until Orlando stretched his neck up, mouth wide and tongue extended like a baby bird, and sucked the head of Sean's cock into his mouth.
Eric had stretched out on his side right behind Orlando, with one arm slid under the arch of his neck, the lad's head pillowed on Eric's biceps and Eric's hand on his chest, alternately caressing and clutching. Sean fancied the difference depended on whether Orlando was clenching down on Eric's cock at any given moment or not; he'd been where Eric was just then and Orlando had marvelous muscle control. Eric was thrusting steadily now but Orlando still had the presence of mind to do a good job on Sean, his tongue stiff and teasing, then soft and wrapped 'round him, always hot and eager and moving.
That was all fine but the point was to distract the lad and if he still had the presence of mind to give a stellar blowjob then unfortunately that meant he still had too many functional braincells. Couldn't have that -- he might think of the bloody phone again and that wouldn't do at all.
Careful not to pull out, Sean rotated inside Orlando's mouth and lay down on his side -- seemed like the position of the day -- and squirmed to get comfortable. He draped an arm across Orlando's hip and got a good grip on Eric's arse, then tilted his head and matched the rhythm of Eric's slow thrusts before swallowing down Orlando's bobbing cock.
There, that did it. Orlando's technique went all to hell, but that was fine -- he was still doing a more than adequate job (was there ever a bad blowjob, really, so long as teeth didn't get too involved?) and Sean had nothing to complain of. It was all in a good cause anyway, keeping Orlando from making even more of a fool of himself and doing serious damage to what could turn out to be an important relationship. Couldn't have that -- it was too important to the lad -- and if it meant putting up with a merely decent sucking off, well, Sean was willing to take one for a mate.
He chuckled to himself and Orlando's hips jerked in response. He laughed again and then started humming, just to be wicked. He reached up with his free hand and teased Orlando's balls; they were high and tight and doubtless occupying a good deal of his attention.
That thought drew another chuckle out of Sean, and he felt Orlando muttering something aggrieved-sounding around his cock. He couldn't tell what the lad was saying but the way it felt he didn't give a damn.
"If you two are going to play microphones and ignore me then I'm just going to have to make my own fun," Eric teased. Then he sped up.
Orlando gave a muffled yelp and Sean echoed him. Orlando's arms slid around Sean, one gripping a thigh and the other clutching his waist, and hung on. Sean tightened his grasp on Eric's arse and let him set the pace for all of them, not that he could've done much to protest. The feel of Orlando thrusting into his mouth and the knowledge that it was all Eric's doing, that Orlando was well and truly pinned between them, his mouth and arse filled and his own cock getting sucked, with Sean and Eric (all right, mostly Eric) in control of pleasuring him -- being able to feel and hear and know that Orlando was about to completely lose it and that it was all his and Eric's doing -- gave Sean a thrilling rush and made his cock all twitching and desperate.
Some unknowable amount of time later Orlando squeaked and filled Sean's mouth with salty-sour sex and Sean returned the favor after a few gasping heartbeats.
Eric held out for a couple more minutes -- as usual, incredible stamina the guy had -- and Sean and Orlando just rode him out. Sean finally felt a powerful shudder go through Orlando's body, like feeling an earthquake through a building, and then the three of them melted into a panting, tangled heap of sweaty flesh.
Of course, Orlando's mobile chose that moment to go off.
Sean didn't have the energy to stop him when he squawked and floundered his way up out of the pile and through the tangle of sheets on the floor. And besides, answering a call was different from leaving yet another message. As the lad went staggering and hopping and swearing out of the room, Sean propped his head up on one hand, looked down at Eric who was still pointing the other way on the bed and waved a set of crossed fingers at him.
Eric grinned and returned the gesture, then rolled off the mattress and strode away to the bathroom, scratching his muscled chest with one lazy hand. When he came back a minute later he tossed a damp washcloth at Sean before flopping back down onto the bed.
A whoop echoed from the living room and both men beamed at each other. Eric silently held up four fingers, then three, then two, then one....
....And Orlando burst into the room and flung himself onto the bed. Eric had ducked round and slid off the other side but Sean caught a shin in his chest and bellowed protest. Eric popped back up and hauled Orlando off Sean before either could do any serious damage to the other -- in Orlando's case accidentally and in Sean's case deliberately, or at least by reflex.
"So? Tell us, then?" Eric urged, still grinning.
"Aye, what did he say? For the bruise I'm going to have across my ribs it'd better've been good news," Sean grumped, struggling hard to maintain his scowl in the face of the lad's glee.
"He said yes!" Orlando crowed. "I got it! Lead! Modern movie! Cameron Crowe!"
He whooped again and threw his arms around Eric for a smacking kiss, then swooped down on Sean and gave him his share.
"Excellent!" Eric swatted Orlando in the arse, getting a yelp in return. "Let's celebrate, then!"
Sean groaned but let himself be swept along. At least Orlando could be expected to be paying attention this time -- Sean intended to take full advantage.